One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
