I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you would pick up someone in the library
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
