Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
