I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
