I wish my penis had an off switch
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
