he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
