i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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