Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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