Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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