I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize