i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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