I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
