shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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