shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
