Apparently you make a good broom.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
