so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
