i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
