I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
