He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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