my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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