i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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