My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
