Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
