M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
