Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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