youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she told me i tasted like america
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
