They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
