I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
