btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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