i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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