I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
