By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
