i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
