You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
