Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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