You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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