I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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