your thong is hanging out like whoa
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my phone needs a breathalizer
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
