i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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