And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize