id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...