you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my poor anus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.