peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought