Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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