i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you