Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?