I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Church boner. Awkwardddd
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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