it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
