its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
