My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
