My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
