does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
