I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
