Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
