ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
