Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
