I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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