I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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