I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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