Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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