i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
