coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we should paint friendship bongs
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