I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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