honey bunches of taint.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
