mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
