its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
