my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
