yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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