Fuck appropriateness.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
