I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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