Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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