I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
