Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
