I accidentally burped into my bong.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
