I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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