just come out here and I will go home with you...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
