So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
