I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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